"We're Not Ready For That Yet..."

Devin Joseph Metz
Amber Chardonnay Crawford-Metz

We've said it so often. All of us have, honestly; and it doesn't matter if you are in a committed relationship, if you are married, single or just bringing it up in casual conversing.

We have all at one point or another in our lives said "I/We aren't ready for that just yet."

What would constitute as "That" in this realm of speaking? Parenthood, of course.

I can say that I have only recalled saying this myself when in a serious relationship; especially after getting married this past January. Actually, I believe that frequent usage of that statement has increased in volume now that we are newlyweds.

My wife and I have always conversed about it in a playful or optimistic manner(you know: "Our kid is gonna do this/be like this/have this trait, etc.); but we have recently had much more in depth conversations regarding the institution of parenthood.

I can recall a conversing with my wife that took place late one night a little over a month ago on the whole concept of being ready for parenthood. We talked about what the future holds for our relationship, our plans as far as where we would like to be years down the line(both geographically as well as in other terms of discussion) and definitely the time frame for when we would have our first child.

Of course I went on rambling about all of the usual reasons why one would state that he/she isn't ready for parenthood:

"I want to make sure that we are financially stable first. I don't want that to be something that we have to struggle with for our child."

~Or~

"I want us to move out of Louisiana before we have our kids. I don't want our children to experience what we had to growing up here."

~Or~

"I would like us to do some more traveling beforehand. I'm not sure we would get the opportunity to do so if we had our child first; at least not to the degree and volume that we would like to anyways."

~Or~

Pretty much any other tidbit of reasoning that one could tie into this conversation. That was when my wife asked me an extremely poignant question:

"Baby, how do you expect to know when we'll be ready to have a child? What makes us so sure that we can plan for something like that?"


I ask that question because something I've come across at work is #1:

Sheer surprise that I'm even married at my age; and #2:

That I don't have kids already!

I'm one of two women on my shift that doesn't have children. So while I'm asking them,"How are you dealing with having a kid at this point in your life?" They are asking me, "What made you get married so young?"

Those questions and answers have changed my picture of child readiness altogether! The questions that I use to temper how ready we are have changed from financial to conditional/environmental. There's less thought about how many million dollars it takes to raise a child and more about where and how we are going to raise a child:

 Where are they going to go to school?

Who are they going to be around?

Are we as parents going to have some support where we are?

And you know what?

Those are all valid inquiries indeed.

Amber and I are always swapping stories back and forth about our coworkers who ask us about when we are gonna have some kids. I tell her about one of my officers that is striking days of the calendar in hopes of Amber and I conceiving before the end of this year.

As only Amber can coin this phrase, she always says "WHY IS EVERYBODY PLOTTING ON MY OVARIES?!?!"

I never get tired of hearing that. Sheer hilarity.

Upon further examination of all of these "reasons" that one would provide to substantiate why he/she isn't ready to have a child, I considered the slight possibility that there may be gender specific reasons expressed relative to why we tend to tread with great caution when talking about parenthood.

There are things to consider on both fronts.

I've recalled some of my male peers say things along the lines of "I'm far too busy for a child" or "I can't really see myself raising a child just yet. I'm still too reckless."

Now that last one really gets to me. Claiming to be "still too reckless" at a point in your life when you are an adult endowed with certain responsibilities that include quality of life just does more to elaborately expose your lack of fortitude and maturity.

As far as I am concerned, although I know that there really isn't a surefire way to plan parenthood, I do think that there are things that would be somewhat instrumental in preparing me for that next step in life.

I do believe that I would like to have a degree more space for raising a child. Not that our current living conditions are a far cry from favorable, of course. I just believe that would be a healthy advantage for our child to have.

Additionally, although this isn't something I have complete control over as of right now, I definitely want to be at a certain condition financially so that we could support our child with a reasonable financial bolster while nurturing him/her.

I'm sure there are a number of other things that would make me feel a little more ready to have a child. The aforementioned are two main concerns for me immediately, though.

Honesty I don't really worry so much about some of those things as much as I used to. I mean, yes, having more income and more space would be awesome, but I think if a kid decided to pop up at random right now, I would be more concerned with my mindset and attitude. I don't know if I'm at the point where I can get my mind kid-ready in 9 months or less! Because that is what it comes down to... Are you going to be prepared for the baby once it actually shows up. Will the countdown be enough? O.o

The undeniable truth here is that there really is no foolproof method when it comes to preparing for childhood; and I'm somewhat okay with that.

Just think about it:

If there were a universal way for future parents to prepare for a new life to emerge, that would likely mean that there is also mean that there would be a universal way for parents to raise their child; and that takes away from the authenticity of these children and the parents that raise them.

Who wants to live in a world without originality, individuality and authenticity? You do? Well count me out of that...

Maybe not knowing that you're ready will actually show that you actually are ready should you become a parent soon. Maybe that which we don't know beforehand will positively impact what happens on the back end of a situation. This isn't always a good thing, of course; but is that for us to determine in the first place?

I think that is better reserved for a higher power and influence.

In the end, I believe that a lot of those "Not ready for that  yet" statements are directly linked to one's fear. It may be a fear of commitment in that realm of reasoning. It might be fear of responsibility. It may be a true fear of failure. Whichever of these it may be, I think that they all may inadvertently serve as a means of motivation to those who find themselves in the role of future parents. 

After all, those who are positively motivated to do good for themselves and others are seen as the ultimate role models for our impressionable youth. 

And what greater role model is there for a young child than his/her parents?