The Thin Line between Discipline and Abuse: Can we tell the Difference

The Thin Line between Discipline and Abuse: Can we tell the Difference.

I cannot speak for people of the Asian or Caucasian descent nor can I speak for all peoples of African descent but I have come to this opinion we as a people don't know the difference between abusing a child or  disciplining one. I must state before I go any further explaining my opinion is that the means of discipline that we use on our children, nieces, nephews, godchildren or our friends children ( If they have given permission to discipline their child) were the same ones that the slave masters, overseers and planters used on our ancestors So I beg the question do we as a people really want to use the means on our young that were used  on our ancestors and for some of us even as near as our grandparents? Many people are going they say or quote the verse from the book of Proverbs: Spare the rod , spoil the children. The correct quote is Proverbs 13:24“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” But  what is the “rod” many of us interpret that scripture as it being a stick or meaning to hit or beat your child. Many of us would not come to the conclusion that this quote may be symbolic like many of the scriptures in Proverbs and the other biblical books of Wisdom.

Many of us say that we survived the beatings that their parents gave , so it is ok for their child to be beaten the same way. In response I have always stated to people who have said this to me that:

If you were hit across your head with a kitchen pan, that was abuse!

if you hit with an electric wire that was abuse!

If your mother took her heels and hit you across your head or your body that is abuse ( hitting some one with  heels can send that person to the hospital)!

If you mother called you retard or stupid that's abuse!

If your parents keep hitting you and leave bruises sending you to school those bruises that hurt and are bad ( then they cross the line between discipline and abuse)!

If they curse at you like you some grown up ( That's abuse) !

I can go and on with examples , I am not against disciplining or even spanking with a belt but we as people of African descent are quick to say that this child didn't get beat enough or are quick to pick up the “ rod” to disciple our children without even trying out the other forms of discipline.

Some of us in my opinion have crossed that thin line by picking frying pans, broom sticks, whips, electric wires, shoes and even excessive beating with a belt or your hands and hitting our children. Yes we want our children to honor and respect us but do we want them to not disobey because they are afraid of that next beating or do you want them to not disobey because they know it was wrong.

I have had many conversations with friends of mine about discipline and one thing I have noted is that they say that they feared either their mother or father or even both. Some have said in not so many words that because their parents have put the fear of God in them they knew what not to do.

I think putting the fear of God in your children while disciplining children is abusive. God does not want us to fear  him and obey because He scares us but He wants us to obey and follow because He loves us and we love Him. Shouldn't every parent want their child do right because they love them and not because they fear them.

Abuse is about fear and control, and many of of us and some of our parents without realizing this “ discipline”  our children because we want to put the fear of God in them so that they won't do or say something or when people tell us this child is “ out of control” we discipline that child so that he behave and be back in control

Discipline should never be about putting fear in your child or even placing them back in control. Children are not animals , they are human beings. There other ways of disciplining a child if we try. But I believe we as Black people are too quick to pick anything to discipline our children and maybe because of that some of us without knowing have crossed the line. May be we are so quick because it is condition in our mind set that we spank or beat or don't spare the rod on children because the rod wasn't spared on our grandparents and ancestors all the way back to Massa's house. Heck the overseers, planters , merchants and slave masters use to put the fear in God in our ancestors house, they may have even whipped the slaves because a near by overseer told them that their slaves were out of control. Just a thought maybe we as black people are repeating those same abusive patterns like slave owners did to our relatives.

There is a thin line between Abuse and Discipline, some of us may not know it, some of us may not care and some of us may not think that there is a line but it is there and we need to address it.   Maybe it  is  time   to use  Positive  discipline . One  shouldn't  be  ready  always   to pick  up  a belt  or whatever  to discipline, there  are  other  methods  that  works   sometimes  just  as   well.  But I usual I digress !