"Celebration and Mourning: The Lopsided Ratio"

Devin Joseph Metz

"Let no one weep for me, or celebrate my funeral with mourning; for I still live, as I pass to and fro through the mouths of men." - Quintus Ennius

If this quote is substantiated for my sake, no wonder why I'm so glib and talkative. I am all too familiar with the institution of funerals, memorial services, and everything that goes along with it: Eulogies, being a pallbearer, creating programs, the whole operation altogether. 

On the B side of this realization, however, I have only been to a handful of services involving the celebration of life. Now I'm sure that one would presume that celebrations would include birthday parties, christenings, etc. For the sake of this post, rather I will key in on one of the most revered and sacred celebrations of life: Matrimony. I can even recall one of my favorite quotes regarding marriage:

"A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day." - Andre Maurois

Now if memory serves me correctly, in my brief twenty-six years of life, I have attended close to sixteen funerals. Of these, close to half of that number consisted of family members including cousins, aunts, uncles and my grandmother. The other portion included friends and a school teacher or two. I have attended to date only five weddings; including two close friends, two of my wife's relatives and my own this past January, of course.

That's more than a 3:1 ratio.

I've always been aware of such; but a recent vacation that my wife and I took to Tallahassee, Florida for her cousin's wedding really placed it directly in front of my face once again for what it is. I'm standing with her in the church where the ceremony would be held the next day and I kept thinking...

"I haven't been to enough of these."

I believe somewhere around the midway point through the number of funeral services I've attended, I found myself thinking...

"I've been to far too many of these."

Further reflection after my observation of the ratio led me to examine myself to see why this is so big of a concern for me. I would always sit in the pews at a funeral service and as sure as birds fly high, there was bound to be one person - be it one presiding over the service or a friend or relative offering words of comfort - that would always state some variance of the following quote:

"Praise God that he/she doesn't have to suffer here in this cold world any longer."

That statement always held a great deal of poignancy; mainly for its ability to be both truthful and contradictory simultaneously. Although I am not ready to buy in completely to the concept of a "cold world;" I am not naive enough to believe that strife, suffering, hardship and trials are dormant in this day and age. I do believe however that life is as we are taught: the greatest gift we could ever receive; therefore making the aforementioned statement slightly contradictory. There is an abundance of joy in this life of ours that to this day still remains undisclosed. The hope of many is that much of this joy is realized, obtained and experienced before our own individual departures. 

I suppose there isn't really much to think of regarding why this ratio is so disproportionate. I did wonder for awhile, however just how many people share this imbalance with me. Death is an inevitability, of course; and conversely, marriage isn't nearly as prevalent or even everlasting nowadays as one would prefer. In light of this glaring truth, I don't believe I will ever attain a true state of equilibrium between both institutions. Death will not cease and the celebration of union in the sight of God is what many dream, talk about and aspire towards; but few draw close enough to it and even fewer actually remain steadfast throughout the marriage after the pomp and ambiance of a wedding ceremony is over with.

I suppose that if I really am so concerned with this lopsided ratio of mine, it may serve me well to include institutions such as christenings and birthday parties to tip things favorably closer to some semblance of true balance; although this may teeter things into an even more lopsided positive extremity.

Who knows? I may even get the chance to attend a bar mitzvah one day.