Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder/Self Image

 I  often  wonder  why  we  as  women  put  so   much  emphasis   on beauty, makeup  and  how  much  we  weigh. It  is  like  we are  obsessed  with  it   and  do not realized  that  beauty  is  really  in the  eye  of  the  beholder.   Not everyone  can be  a supermodel  like Elle McPherson,  Christie  Brinkley   or  Naomi  Campbell.   I often  wonder  why  do  we  want  to  try  the  latest  diets,  hairstyles  or  makeup  and  then i   realized  that we  are  following    celebrities  and  other  people  from  Hollywood.  Is  it  Godly   to  be  focus  on  beauty, have  we    forgotten  that  we  all  are made in  God's  image?   Why are  we  aiming  to  look like   Mariah  ,  Nicki  Manji  and  whoever   is the  flavor  of  the    week .   Why  cannot  not  aimed  to be  like  Deborah, the  3  Mary's, Esther, Ruth, Hannah   and  why cannot  we    look  at positive   real women  to   admire and copy  them.
What is  beauty? According to  the  Webster  dictionary   beauty  is "the quality of being physically attractive,the qualities in a person or a thing that give pleasure to the senses or the mind" .



So with this  definition I can assumed  that anyone  can  be  considered  beautiful  once  they  give   pleasure  to  our  senses or  our  minds.   We  shouldn't be  held   by  Hollywood's standard's  of  beauty.



   Some  years  ago   I was just watching this Cover  Girl  ad with the actress Drew Barrymore and realize that women and especially young girls are bombard with images of women with make up, size o and who has had  work done on their bodies. I have nothing against makeup because i wear most times but i just realize that the images we as women get are that you put on some make up and all your problems will go away. We live in an age where the media shows celebrities, actors , singers etc with long straight hair, skinny and long legs. There is little diversity from the media on portraying how real women look and are. Not everyone can be a size zero but I digress.  Not   everyone  has  the  time  to  go  to  the  gym,  Not everyone has  the  money  to afford  personal  trainers, chefs or  even go  to  expensive  health  restaurants.




I have notice that because of those images on television, cd covers , magazines etc women and young girls have become self loathing. Women are now trying all kind of diets, buying the latest outfits and clothes that maybe Mariah Carey, Madonna or Halle Berry wore. Women  are  becoming anorexic, bulimic or suffering from any weight issue or disease and becoming overwhelming unhealthy. Young girls don't have the self confidence because of what they see  and what they are experiencing. Many young girls are being bullied or being made fun because they not the size zero or 2 like the popular girls in school or they were braces or and they don't fit the general consensus of beauty.   They  are  bullied  because  they  not  the  most attractive  girls  physically  or  they   do  not  fit   society's  standard  for beauty.




We have women damaging their bodies and skin by having botox or, bleaching  or  lightening of   skin and  spray tanning themselves not realizing g the effects of these beauty enhancements would do, tans and bleach  can cause cancer, botox can go wrong. we as women should forgot those media images and forget those celebrities and have more love for ourselves and realize that though those famous women portray themselves as perfect they are not and its all smoke screens to make the world believe that they are perfect.




Society has to change its perception on what is beautiful and what is great self image. we have to be careful of who we call beautiful, we call fat. There should be more diversity in the media, in magazines etc of how a woman looks not just the tall, skinny, long legs, long hair women that we see but we should we have a more diverse group not all of us are skinny but we are curvy , few extra around, short etc, We need to see more women of different sizes,, textures so that we don't have the case of girls having a bad view of their selves and their body image.



Why  can  we  stop focusing  on  physical  beauty and  focus  on the  inside, why  don't we celebrate   the  female   lawyers,  female  doctors, female   inventors,  why can't  we  focus  on intelligence  and  how  someone  treat us  not  the  physical because  when  all is   said and  done  your  physical beauty fades  and  all  we  have  left  is the  inside.    Girls and  women  need  to  focus  on   what  God  has  called   us  to   to  be   Godly women  and   focus  on  what  is  pleasing  to  him.
 Women  with  a good  self  image   have  the  power  to change the  world!



Lets all forget about the Hollywood stereotypes that we are bombarded by and just love our selves for differences.  Let  us  focus  on   raising  women who  love God  and  want to please  him  not vainity and things  that  fleets away.Lets  focus  on  raising and encouraging more  female  doctors, mathematicians,  biologist, chemists, teachers, therapists. Let us  embrace  the female  intelligence and  kindness and  not  on how   a woman look
Beauty is  in the  eye of  the beholder !  we  all are beautiful in our  own way.  We need to realize  this but  I digress!




I  know  its  hard  to throw away  society's  definition  of  beauty  because  we are  bombarded  by   these  images. I understand  because  I am one  of  these girls  that's insecure   about  my  weight and  beauty and   I often think  ways  that  i  could   change my looks  maybe  have  longer  hair, have  lighter  skin, be  taller, be  thinner. But less  I focus  on   this  culture's and   Hollywood's  sterotype  of what is beautiful,  the  more i focus  what's inside.
It  is the  inside that counts  not  the  outside!  Beauty is who  you  say and what you see  not  the  media but  as   always  I  digress




As  Madonna  says  " Everyone  wants  to go  Hollywood"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYIVIgfEaXc

Being a Leader, and Not a Follower, in Your Own Life

By Melanie Blake

When we are young and inpressionable, we are easily fascinated by everything and anything we see. Cool new fads and gadgets, the latest trends, the ways and means of how our schoolyard companions play, talk and act. We idolize everything we see, if even for a moment, because we are still trying to build and identify ourselves. We want so badly to have an identity, a way of communicating our thoughts , ideals, and goals, that we will grasp at anything in order to be socially acceptable. We are confused and unstable; one minute our favorite color is pink, next it is blue. One minute we want to be Britney Spears, the next Christina Aguilera.

As we go through the changes in identity, we take small pieces of each experience with us, resulting in a complex and unique individual person, personality, and history. We learn what we like; and what we don't. We learn what works for us, and what we're not quite so good at. We discover our strengths and weaknesses, and over time, we fall into a "category" that best suits our personality. We find like-minded friends, and begin to pursue interests promoted within our social group, such as competitive people becoming athletes and working hard to become the best in their sport, for example. It is in our youth that we are shaped into who we shall become in the future. When you are young, you need the "training wheels" of life to help guide you in the right direction, like parents, teachers, mentors, and family who are a positve influence on you. But as you get older, and hopefully more mature, it is crucial that you begin to take the reigns of your life and map out your own path, for your own sake. You must take off the training wheels, and feel the pride of being able to hold yourself afloat. Knowing right from wrong with mom standing over you, doing the right thing when no one is looking. Those are the moments that help define us as mature adults, and we continue to learn and grow from those experiences as we mature.

But now more than ever, more people would rather be a follower, and let the actions of others develop their personality and ethics, than be a leader and develop a set of goals, ideals, and morals for themselves. They still have a young mentality and look to celebrities and reality shows, TV and movies, to guide them in their real life pursuits. But it makes no sense; and our generation is suffering tremendously for it. The biggest problem with being a follower is that those that you are following are not emotionally invested in the outcome of your life, that you are coincidentally shaping around their behavior. That person that you are following blindly is not looking back to see the repercussions of your idolatry of them.

A great example that I will use is Rihanna. Yes, she's a celebrity, but many young women shape their behavior around this woman, her personal life and her music, for what reason I know not. But back to Bad Gal Ri Ri. What do we know about her? She's famous, beautiful and dramatic. She smokes weed. She has tattoos. She's rather promiscuous, and is proud of it. She's in and out of her emotionally and physically abusive relationship with bad boy Chris Brown. And her "Navy?" Worship the ground she walks on. Repeat her song lyrics and apply them to their lives. Dress like her. Talk like her. Sing, "Ain't nobody bidness.." about their own toxic relationships. Post cute black & white weed photos on IG, just like their leader Rihanna. But do you know what the problem is here? Rihanna is a multi-millionaire entertainer who's job it is to be wild and outrageous and keep her name in the tabloids. Obviously, the cops aren't checkin' RiRi for marijuana possession because she woulda BEEN locked up. But what happens when you get caught with it? You'll be going straight to jail, and "...but Rihanna does it!" will not be an acceptable defense.

We have to start coming to terms with the fact that we must be not only responsible for our actions, but be strong enough to develop our OWN sense of right and wrong. Set standards for ourselves. Just because celebrities sleep with everyone on the block does not mean that you have to. Just because everyone in your family is an alcoholic doesn't mean that you have to follow down the same path. Just because everyone in your neighborhood prides themselves on taking advantage of the governmental benefits system doesn't mean that you have to set your own personal growth bar that low. Hold you head up, and realize your own worth and potential. I know this sounds crazy and counter intuitive, but the media and these pseudo-celebrities that they crank out like K. Michelle and NeNe Leakes and whoever else is on those shows are meant to keep you down. To keep your mentality in the gutter. To stop you from wanting the best for yourself. To make you idolize material things, and lose focus on spiritual things. And even though you sit at home, scoffing at their pitiful personal drama, you will slowly but surely begin to mimic their behavior, their colloquialisms, and their lifestyle.

I know we all have our "crosses to bare," and everyone's life is different. We all want different things, and have different sights set for ourselves. But let your vision be yours; not somebody elses. When its all said and done, and the smoke clears, you'll regret not having the strength to live your own life instead of blindly following behind someone elses. Be your own beautiful, smart, unique, talented self, and make the best of it! The sky is the limit, don't let the TV, or the media, or your boyfriend, or your friends, or your family, or anything else stop you from being the best self that you can be.

I am Not my Hair

I am Not My Hair is a beautiful song by India Arie where she sings about how no matter how you wear your hair , it does not say who you are and who you are going to become. I love this song so much that when I have doubts about how I am wearing my hair whether it is relaxed or natural, I put it on blast! There are two versions of the song: one with the singer Pink and the other with Akon.

I AM NOT MY HAIR BY INDIA ARIE AND PINK:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7rSv5NvAK8

I AM NOT MY HAIR BY INDIA ARIE AND AKON:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_5jIt0f5Z4

I have often said that my hair would never be natural. I will continue to relax or texturize my hair for convenience but there are some things that bother me. Often many times in the past, no one knew how I was going to have my hair, whether if it would be in twists , gelled back, whether I was going to wear an Afro wig or wear a wig that is straight and looks like relax hair. I had this experience a while back. I was attending the University of Louisiana at Monroe, taking graduate-level courses in Marriage and Family therapy. I remember it clearly. It was on a Monday.

 

I wore my hair in twists the previous week and I didn't really get a reaction; but that Monday I decided to wear the wig that looks a lot like relaxed hair and then someone in my class said that they liked my hair. They liked it better than the twists and they liked how I straightened it instead of wearing it in that terrible Afro style or when I had it in twists on the previous Monday. They said that I looked so much prettier. This person happened to be a white girl. I was  really   plagued   about   her  comments  but I didn't have  time  to bring  it  up  to  her    because  my  5  o clock  was  starting. I  felt offended  because  I wondered,if she  would   ever

speak  to me if my hair  was  in  dreads,braids  or   kinky  style. To me, it didn't matter. I was  still Princess,   the  same  girl  who now  was constantly changing  her   hair styles; and  those days   however  I had  my hair. I always  made sure  that  I was dressed to impress and  I looked damn  good but   I  digress.

 The  more  I thought about  it, the   more  I  didn't  understand and the  more  I was  shocked  and  appalled .  I  had  not  thought back  on  than  event  for  some time  until  when  I  cut  my  hair  and  relaxed  it  again. A comment about  why  I  am  even  relaxing    was  made  to  me; that I should  be   natural and  proud  of  it and  not  fill  my pores  and  my body with chemicals. This time around, my classmate was a black person. I  just  don't understand people's  (both  black and white)  obsession with  straight hair  and I  don't  seriously  get   those  natural  hair nazis either.

You know, if  I could better  take  care  of  my  nappy, natural  hair,  trust me:  I would  not  be  relaxing or  texturizing  or  wearing  hair  pieces  and  wigs;  but that’s just  me.   The  problem  is  not  with  white  people  but  with  other  blacks.  In fact,  whether  my hair  was  natural   or  relaxed  and  it  is combed  properly,  I would  get  good  reviews  from  most  whites with  the  exception  of  that  one  incident.   We  as  black  people have  to  be  united and  not cause  division  among  ourselves. Somewhere  down the  line  we  have  come  to  think as   an  ethnicity and  race  that long, straight hair  is  better.  We  tell  our   children  that they better  marry  a white  man  or   Indian  man  or  someone  with good hair because  their  children would  come  out  with  nice hair. Trust me.  I know the drill   and sayings  of parents and grandparents,  my  mother, grandmother etc.  have  always  said   that  I needed  to  bring home  someone  with good hair   because  every member  of  my family has good  quality  hair  and  I used  to think   that a  lot of  things  have  changed, I don’ believe  in all that  nonsense.  If it’s not straight hair, it’s the opposite.   You do not need  to marry   a  white  man  or  anyone  that's not  black  and   keep  your  hair  nappy  and  natural, that's what  God  intended. Stop trying to be white. 

 Anyways,  I have  problem  with  any one telling  me  how to wear my  hair  unless they are telling me  for  my own good.     I digress, but  let me  get  back on  topic. I said  I was  offended by  that  girl  in that  class, somehow  my  professor   brought the topic  of  race,  prejudice, etc. and   the African Americans  in the  class  brought  about  the issue   of blacks  being discriminated  against  and  that  same girl  said  in an  uncaring  way:  “white people get discriminated  against too. I don’t  know  why  it is  important  for  white  people   to    have  black people  be  like  them  or  why   we    constantly  want to  be  like  them,  straightening our  hair, bleaching  our  skin etc.    The girl I talked  about   did  not believe  she said anything   wrong and would not   apologize   to  the  class. After  class, she came  up   to  me  and  said I really  should  wear  my  hair  like  that; claiming that it  is  much  better  that way  and more appealing  to    everyone    in the  school. She left after that.  All  I am going  say is that we  as   black   people don’t  need  to change  our  hair to  please   anyone  in the  majority  so  that    we can fit     into their  category  of  beautiful.   We are beautiful   on   our own and  we  don’t  need them to tell  us we fit in but I digress. A year later,  I got the same  reaction but from the opposite end only to not keep my hair relax and stop trying to be white.

My hair has always been difficult to maintain and I have always relaxed my hair so that I can manage; but I was really offended when the white girl said that my hair in its kind, natural state was not pretty; but what did I expect from a typical blonde hair, blue eyed white girl? From a typical brown skinned or dark skinned  girl, I expected better. This goes to show that even though white people may have created the social construct of the hair problem, we as black people continue to embrace it whether we agree with the concept of long straight hair or whether we  like our natural hair. It does not matter if one wants to wear their long and straight or have their hair nappy and natural.  We need to stop this division among ourselves and deconstruct this social nonsense of what Black hair  should be and love each other no matter how we wear our hair.

 

I wore my hair in twists the previous week and I didn't really get a reaction; but that Monday I decided to wear the wig that looks a lot like relaxed hair and then someone in my class said that they liked my hair. They liked it better than the twists and they liked how I straightened it instead of wearing it in that terrible Afro style or when I had it in twists on the previous Monday. They said that I looked so much prettier. This person happened to be a white girl. I was  really   plagued   about   her  comments  but I didn't have  time  to bring  it  up  to  her because  my  5  o clock  was  starting. I  felt offended  because  I wondered if she  would   ever  speak  to me   if my hair  was  in  dreads, braids  or   kinky  style. To me, it didn't matter. I was  still Princess,   the  same  girl  who now  was constantly changing  her   hair styles; and  those days   however  I had  my hair. I always  made sure  that  I was dressed to impress and  I looked damn  good but   I  digress.

 The  more  I thought about  it, the   more  I  didn't  understand and the  more  I was  shocked  and  appalled .  I  had  not  thought back  on  than  event  for  some time  until  when  I  cut  my  hair  and  relaxed  it  again. A comment about  why  I  am  even  relaxing    was  made  to  me; that I should  be   natural and  proud  of  it and  not  fill  my pores  and  my body with chemicals. This time around, my classmate was a black person. I  just  don't understand people's  (both  black and white)  obsession with  straight hair  and I  don't  seriously  get   those  natural  hair nazis either.

You know, if  I could better  take  care  of  my  nappy, natural  hair,  trust me:  I would  not  be  relaxing or  texturizing  or  wearing  hair  pieces  and  wigs;  but that’s just  me.   The  problem  is  not  with  white  people  but  with  other  blacks.  In fact,  whether  my hair  was  natural   or  relaxed  and  it  is combed  properly,  I would  get  good  reviews  from  most  whites with  the  exception  of  that  one  incident.   We  as  black  people have  to  be  united and  not cause  division  among  ourselves. Somewhere  down the  line  we  have  come  to  think as   an  ethnicity and  race  that long, straight hair  is  better.  We  tell  our   children  that they better  marry  a white  man  or   Indian  man  or  someone  with good hair because  their  children would  come  out  with  nice hair. Trust me.  I know the drill   and sayings  of parents and grandparents,  my  mother, grandmother etc.  have  always  said   that  I needed  to  bring home  someone  with good hair   because  every member  of  my family has good  quality  hair  and  I used  to think   that a  lot of  things  have  changed, I don’ believe  in all that  nonsense.  If it’s not straight hair, it’s the opposite.   You do not need  to marry   a  white  man  or  anyone  that's not  black  and   keep  your  hair  nappy  and  natural, that's what  God  intended. Stop   trying to be white.  Anyways,  I have  problem  with  any one telling  me  how to wear my  hair  unless they are telling me  for  my own good.     I digress, but  let me  get  back on  topic. I said  I was  offended by  that  girl  in that  class, somehow  my  professor   brought the topic  of  race,  prejudice, etc. and   the African Americans  in the  class  brought  about  the issue   of blacks  being discriminated  against  and  that  same girl  said  in an  uncaring  way:  “white people get discriminated  against too. I don’t  know  why  it is  important  for  white  people   to    have  black people  be  like  them  or  why   we    constantly  want to  be  like  them,  straightening our  hair, bleaching  our  skin etc.    The girl I talked  about   did  not believe  she said anything   wrong and would not   apologize   to  the  class. After  class, she came  up   to  me  and  said I really  should  wear  my  hair  like  that; claiming that it  is  much  better  that way  and more appealing  to    everyone    in the  school. She left after that.  All  I am going  say is that we  as   black   people don’t  need  to change  our  hair to  please   anyone  in the  majority  so  that    we can fit     into their  category  of  beautiful.   We are beautiful   on   our own and  we  don’t  need them to tell  us we fit in but I digress. A year later,  I got the same  reaction but from the opposite end only to not keep my hair relax and stop trying to be white.

My hair has always been difficult to maintain and I have always relaxed my hair so that I can manage; but I was really offended when the white girl said that my hair in its kind, natural state was not pretty; but what did I expect from a typical blonde hair, blue eyed white girl? From a typical brown skinned or dark skinned  girl, I expected better. This goes to show that even though white people may have created the social construct of the hair problem, we as black people continue to embrace it whether we agree with the concept of long straight hair or whether we  like our natural hair. It does not matter if one wants to wear their long and straight or have their hair nappy and natural.  We need to stop this division among ourselves and deconstruct this social nonsense of what Black hair  should be and love each other no matter how we wear our hair.

I am NOT African American

I am not African American!

I am proud to be black and see nothing wrong with the word black but what I have a problem is some African Americans and White Americans labeling me as African American. It seems they don't understand that not all blacks are African Americans. They don't seem to know or acknowledge that Blacks come in all shades, colors and cultures. The term black people can be referred to not only African Americans but to Black British, Black Canadians, Afro -Caribbean, Afro -Arabs, Black French (even East Indians are sometimes considered black). The term even prevents people who had ancestors or backgrounds from Africa but were of a different race or ethnicity to  not claim the term African American even though, these people may be truly African American more so than even “ Black African Americans”.

An African Woman

The term “African American” can be used as a means of controlling people of African descent and can cause division among not only “African-Americans” but among other ethnicites As an article called Some Blacks Insist - I’m Not African-American, Tomi Obara who was born to Nigerian parents stated, “Or is that the word that people who aren’t black used to described black people” (Washington 2012). This statement from Obara hints that some people of African descent believe the term is used to not only regulate, but to place all persons of African descent into one category.

Many people of African descent have the impression being called “African American” denotes they are descendants of slaves, and that is not accurate in all cases. The term “African-American” seems to imply, that if you have been categorized as an “African American”, at least one of your ancestors must have been a slave. This has shown to be true as suggested in the same article that was stated previously where Tomi Obara stated “that the label implies she is descended from slaves. It also feels vague and liberal to her” (Washington 2012). Not all people of color descend from slaves. Consequently, many people believe that it does not display who they are. Shawn Smith who stated in the same article ,“I don’t like African-American. It denotes something else to me than who I am” (Washington 2012). This is an example of how the term is some-times used as means of control. The term is also used as a means of control because it encourages “African Americans” to reflect on a distant past in Africa that they feel they no longer connect with. Gibre George stated “We respect our African heritage but that term is not really us. We are several generations down the line. If anyone were ship us back to Africa, we’d be like fish out of water” (Washington 2012).

Harriet Gibbs Marshall: An African -American educator

The use of the term “African American” as a label for all people of African descent forces some people to deny their culture and their contributions to America. For instance, Joan Morgan stated “forcing everyone into a name for descendants of American slaves distorts the nature of the contributions of immigrants such as her countrymen Marcus Garvey and Claude McKay” (Washington 2012).

Afro -Jamaican Marcus Garvey

Using the word “African American” is also a means of control and conformity because it forces other ethnicities to realize the fact that many people that are black come from many different cultures and ethnicities, and are not descents of slaves. The term is also used as a means of control to continue the structural system of prejudice and discrimination within the public sphere. For example, Joan Morgan expressed “people struggle with the fact that black people have multiple ethnicities because it challenges America’s original black-white classifications” (Washington 2012). The term “African American” is also unclear and confusing in reference to Whites who descend from Africa who now reside in the United States, because some people equate being an “African American” as a term designed for only Black “African Americans”. If one were to define the term “African American” according to the Merriam Webster Dictionary “African American is an American of African descent especially one of black descent.” While the dictionary stresses “especially of black descent,” it does not say one has to have dark skin to be considered an “African American”. As stated before, this term is also used as means to controlling who can be defined as an “African American”. This term is also applicable to people who are of White African descent living in America. In the article, Paulo Seriodo a U.S. citizen born in Mozambique was suspended from school because of a debate with classmates concerning whether or not he is an “African American.” Seriodo stated, “It doesn’t matter if I’m from Africa and they are not! They are not allowing me to be African-American” (Washington 2012).

Trevor Richards A White African American

The term “African American” must be reevaluated because it seems to be used to control and divide persons of African descent while persuading people of other ethnicities to conform to society’s notions of race. As for me I refuse to be label African - American, I know I am black but so are many people of different cultures. I refuse to conform to this society's box because though I am black and proud of it. I am not an African-American as my culture background is not African -American and as stated I believed that this term that is being used for all Blacks in America should be reassessed.

Afro-St.Lucians dancing the cultural dance of the island