As a newlywed woman (We jumped the broom on February 22 of this year), I always hear one of two things; "Congratulations, when's the baby coming?" and "Oh, how sweet! The little newlyweds! Wait until you've been married as long as me to what marriage is really like!" And I respectfully roll my eyes.
Yes, I get where that comes from, and yes, I understand that things are going to change over the years, and that we will face adversity as a couple. But we're not as ignorant as we look. We didn't blindly jump into marriage without a clue on what to do, what to expect or any guidance. We also dated before we got married, too, so we do know a little bit about each other. As much as older couples want to offer words of advice or caution every time they see a newly married couple, I actually think it is them that could greatly benefit from a "refresher course" on marriage from a happy-go-lucky pair of newlyweds like us.
1. Keep dating each other. Newlyweds usually don't have a problem with this because we still feel like we are dating, with wedding rings! But couples who have been married a while should still keep this in mind too. Keep bringing her flowers, keep getting dolled up when you two go out to dinner. Make your time together special. Married people like dates, too!
2. Have sex! Newlyweds can't get enough of it! We are still in the 'Honeymoon stage' and that phrase is based largely on the fact that we're having sex, and a lot of it. But being married for more than a year doesn't mean that you stop making it a priority to make love to each other and show your affection in a physical way. Don't let kids and work and personal goals get in the way of your physical intimacy with your spouse; that is a special bond that you two share that makes your marriage to each other unique from any other relationship you are a part of. Sex is important, and its good for the heart, both physically and emotionally.
3. Always say I love you and kiss each other goodbye. People often mock newlyweds for always making googly eyes and kissing incessantly. We hate to see each other leave, and we can't seem to get off the phone with each other. Our new marriage is so exciting and irresistable to us. We rejoice over each time we reunite. Though it sounds cheesy, you should keep doing it. You never know when you will get your last chance to kiss your lover goodbye and say I love you. Do you really want the last thing you said to your husband to be that you're tired of him leaving his socks on the ground while you were hastily walking out of the door? I don't think so. Value your spouse and let them know that you can't wait to see them again when you leave for work in the morning.
4. Be best friends. Talk to each other. Have fun together. Put each other before everything and everyone else. Don't keep secrets from each other. It will always be better if you tell your spouse the truth. They can fix their damaged pride, but broken trust is never the same. You can maintain that "just like new" newlywed feeling all throughout your marriage by working hard to make it better each day, not idly watch it get weaker.
5. Celebrate your love. Realize how lucky you are that you have your spouse to share your life with. Think back on how happy you were the day you married them. For newlyweds, that was only a few months ago, but for me personally, it still brings tears to my eyes when I think of how I felt when I officially became Mrs. Blake. It was more than a name change; it was a life change, and I thank God for that moment, and every moment following that I will get to share with my husband. Find that moment that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy about your husband and wife and meditate on it for a few minutes, its guaranteed to make you appreciate your spouse!
These are just a few of the many, many tips that can be said about being married, and staying (happily) married. Many times, experience is the greatest teacher, and I do love and appreciate the wisdom that older married couples can provide, but there is a special knowledge that comes from still being in the "Honeymoon phase" that can be easily forgotten under a pile of bills, kids, and just life in general that tends to slip away from many couples over the years. Whether you've been married for thirty days or thirty years, you can never show your spouse too much love or appreciation.
I love this. Honestly, I think that advice from newlyweds could be the best advice that you could get, it's a reminder of what things once were like, and how these small things are things that first made you happy, and still can! Often times it seems like couples get caught up in the things of life and forget that their spouse is still someone they can have fun with, not just someone you sleep next to. :)
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